Copying is bad ... but WHY ???

I was flipping through a magazine when this ad from Cadillac caught my attention. The quote "It is better to fail in originality, than to succeed in imitation" reminded me of a conversation that we had at home.

Originality vs Imitation

When my son was in Pre-K, he had a best friend. They were always together, choosing the same activities and doing the same things. I thought it was wonderful to find a best friend but his teacher perceived it differently. She thought he was not making his own choices but simply copying his friend. She wanted him to be independent and suggested we talk to him about it. That evening, I started off the conversation telling him "Copying is bad ...". I stalled to think how I could explain why it is bad. Of course, copying is like stealing someone's work or idea. However, that reasoning was not completely relevant in this context. So, how can I put it across?

As if she heard my question, my six year old daughter shouted out "Copying is bad because it shuts down your thinking". Wow! That was such a simple way to put it. One needs to develop individual thinking skills to grow and be independent. How did a six year old come up with this? Before I could ask, she continued enlightening us with what she had learned from one of her teachers. 

For new activities or lessons, the teacher would show them an example which they can copy. When asked to work on their own, they are not supposed to copy from others. They have to complete the task by themselves. If they copy, it will shut down their own power to think. The teacher's words conveyed the message in a simple yet powerful way. After all, who would want to do something that would shut down their thinking. So, WHY copy ?

What's for dinner today ?

"That's a surprise! The menu is still being planned." used to be our answer to this question from friends who we invite over for dinner. It was better to keep the menu a secret when the dish being prepared could end up as a surprise even for the cook. Many times, we have had to stash away a few dishes as they were not fit to be served to our friends. In those early days of cooking, I used to give this answer only occasionally. Now, after years of cooking, I give this answer more frequently!

In spite of the efforts to ramp up my cooking skills, the end result of tried and tested recipes is still not guaranteed. However, that is not the main reason for giving the same answer. Now, the question "What's for dinner today?" gets asked almost daily - by our kids! And this answer, to a large extent, avoids mealtime battles. When preparing something the kids already like, I give them the exact answer. When making something new which they have not yet tried, I beat around the bush saying I am not sure what I am making. Hearing the name of a new item or a dish made with an ingredient they did not like on first try sets the stage for an outright NO.

Rewinding back to my childhood, I can still remember how I used to say NO to any dish which had the slightest trace of yoghurt in it. I never used to like yoghurt. After umpteen tries from my parents, both of whom love it, I still could not eat it when I was in India. After coming to the U.S, I realized it was the smell that I did not like. In India, the yoghurt always has a strong smell which I still find difficult to tolerate. So much for having a long nose! That aside, the part that defies my current logic is why I used to not try any dish that had just a few drops of yoghurt. Call that the height of my pickiness!

Coming back to the present, life being really busy and a struggle to balance time between family and work, it is not easy to prepare something to cater to each person in the family. Though it is easy to let kids snack and eat something packaged and processed, that is not something we prefer. All of us eating the same meal without too many complaints would be ideal. Realizing there will always be a few things that each of us detest or can't tolerate, the aim is to keep that list minimal and keep our minds open to try new things.

Easy as it may sound, it is quite an effort to develop a positive attitude towards new varieties of food. Sometimes the trick lies in understanding what one does not like about a particular dish or ingredient. In our son's case, it is the texture that matters more. Using a different method to cook or coating with crunchy elements usually gets things past his texture test. For my daughter, she can't tolerate the heat of chillies and pepper. Reducing the heat or alternating a bite of hot food with cooling foods like yoghurt and fruits lets her savor the rest of the flavors. Once they start liking something, it is easy to leave out many of these customizations.

The nice thing was that the efforts at home were reinforced by my daughter's Pre-K teacher. As we speak another language at home, my daughter used to attend an ESL(English as Second Language) program. There was a good mix of kids from different cultures and countries. When the teacher hosted class events and lunches, she would insist that the kids be served a little of everything. She used to say that parents tend to give kids what they like trying to get past a meal without any hassles. She did make an excellent point.

After that year, I could see a great change in our daughter's approach to food. She is willing to give anything at least one try. With a little more effort to get past his stubbornness, her brother is also following suit.  Both of them have become more appreciative of cooking, fascinated to see an  ingredient they don't like being transformed into something they relish. They find it very interesting to say "I don't like tomato but I love tomato rice or if it is mixed in chaat (a savory Indian snack)",  "I don't like papaya but I love this yellow curry made from it", "I don't like pears but I like it mixed with walnuts". The list is long and I can keep writing but it's time to get started with dinner preparations.

Now, if you ask me, "What's for dinner today?", my reply would be "That's a surprise!". Believe me, the menu is still being planned!

Eat 5 a Day !!!

When I first came to the U.S, I was amazed by the wide variety of fruits available here. These new variety of fruits were my saviors in the first few months when most of my initial cooking experiments had to go down the drain.

Eat 5 a day ?

One day, when we got a small pack of blueberries, I was quite eager to try them. I had never seen nor eaten these tiny little berries. I washed and tried a few and did not stop until I finished the whole pack. As I was about to throw away the packet that had once held those oh-so-delicious berries, my eyes popped out. I could not believe I had missed reading the bright label that said: "Eat 5 a Day". And here I had eaten the whole pack! I anxiously called up my husband. His calm reaction, asking me to drink some water and cool down, got me even more frustrated. I rushed to the computer to start my search for any terrible side-effects and remedies. As the results from the then-so-slow network started filling the screen, I let out a sigh of relief. "Eat 5 a Day" was just a recommendation to eat at least 5 colors of fruits or vegetables each day. Each color had its health benefits and trying to get a mix ensured moderation and balance. Having eaten blue, an excellent color that provides anti-oxidants, I could calm down and go back to get that recommended glass of water.


Now, fast forward a decade to a busier life with no time to think of such food recommendations. One day, my five-year-old son came back from his school field trip with a message. They had been to a large organic grocery store where they were asked to "Eat a Rainbow" every day. On hearing this, his sister was thrilled. Both rushed to the pantry and came back with brightly colored candies. They even had an item to add to the grocery list - a rainbow lollipop to get all those colors at one easy go.

I tried my best to explain the difference between artificial and natural colors. We found that some candies actually used natural colors. And then went about looking for more natural ones. Guess what? This new "Eat a Rainbow" message has added an interesting aspect to our dinner times. We now try to check the colors each of us ate that day. And it reminds me of the long-forgotten recommendation to "Eat 5 a Day"!

Never judge a book by its cover !

"Do you have to return this book today?", I asked my eight year old daughter. She was packing her things for school and this included a book that I was only half-way through reading. These days, I mostly read what the kids get from their school library. I had found the Wishing Spell book from the Land of Stories series quite interesting. She told me we can get another copy of it from the public library. "I'll get a better book for you today", she added cheerfully before heading out.

In the evening, she came home and handed me another book.

I read the title "Mountain Dog", took one look at the cover picture and said, "This doesn't look interesting to me. I may not like this". With no offense to dog lovers, I personally keep a distance from canines. When we had a dog at home or when visiting friends with dogs, I am always on the edge if they try to be too friendly. "Well, you can't say that till you read it. You should try a few pages", my daughter said, leaving the book on my table.

I flipped through a few pages. It was written in a very different style with chapters alternating between a boy and a dog's thoughts. The friendship between the two, which helped the boy tide over his emotional turmoil, was conveyed so well that I could not keep the book down. The book also had interesting details about search and rescue operations in the vast wilderness and the role played by dogs, who rescue people trapped without any means of communication. After I finished, I told my daughter how wonderful the book was. I could not but agree when she stated "That is why you should never judge a book by its cover!".

How true! Though she had meant it literally, I realized how it applies to other things, people and incidents. In these days, where news spreads like wildfire across media channels and social networks, how effortless it is to form opinions and reach conclusions from stories, which we may not even have read through or validated. As I skim through piles of information that flood my networks each day, I try to remember these simple words "Never judge a book by its cover!".

A Brave Act

Read the story "Dragons and Giants" from the book Frog and Toad Together, where they talk about bravery and courage. Then, tell the class about a time you had to be brave.

This was one of the assignments in our six year old's class. In the evening, he came and told me about the discussions they had in class around this topic.

Picture Courtesy: Frog and Toad Together by Arnold Lobel

Son: You know what one of my classmates had to be brave for ? She had to be brave when they drew her blood.

Mom: Oh, for what?

Son: I think it was to give the blood to someone else.

Mom: Really, but why?

Son: So that they won't die.

Mom: I see.

Son: You know, if someone gets a big cut, they will lose lot of blood. Then, they can use another person's blood so they won't run out of blood.

Mom: That is so thoughtful! I think you have to wait till you grow big to donate blood. It is one way to help and save someone's life.

It was a true delight to see our son connect what he heard in class with how I had explained the need and importance of blood donation to the kids. I have to shout out a BIG THANKS to my Facebook friends who are actively involved in various types of blood donations. When I had shown some of the pictures that these friends post, the kids were curious to understand what was happening. They realized blood could be drawn from one person to give to another in need. Along with the thought-provoking assignments from their class, this knowledge led to such a heart-warming conversation, making little minds see blood donation as a way to help others.

Note:
In last two years, I learned that different blood components can be donated separately - whole blood, platelets, plasma and even blood stem cells. If you are not familiar, please take a few minutes to see how you can donate or help. A few useful links:
Types of blood donations - http://www.americasblood.org/donate-blood/types-of-blood-donations.aspx
Blood stem cell donation - https://bethematch.org/support-the-cause/donate-bone-marrow/donation-process/donating-pbsc/
Registering as blood stem cell donor - http://marrowdrives.org/bone_marrow_donor_programs.html#international_marrow

Breaking out of a Habit

Salt and Love, Salt and Water ... seeing this series of posts, my husband was asking if my next post would be about salt and something else. In a "salty spirit", I replied I did not want to get into any such "habit". After all, my mind was filled with different aspects of habits, an effect of reading the book "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg.

An interesting book about habits

Using data from scientific studies as well as real-life examples, this book explains habit formation, techniques for habit reversal, and the ways certain habits could be developed for personal, organizational or community benefit. It points out how any habit can be visualized as a cue-routine-reward loop. When a cue occurs, it triggers an automatic action or habit, in expectation of the reward. Our mind anticipates the reward and unknowingly, a craving develops. This locks in the routine forming a new habit loop. According to the book, to change a habit, one has to simply understand the cue and reward, then plugin a new routine that gives the same reward as the old one.

On reading numerous examples about reversing disruptive habits, my mind went back to how my father had changed one of his habits. Back in 2006, when my parents were planning their first trip to the U.S, we jokingly told my father that there is another thing that he needs to accomplish in addition to securing a visa. He had to stop his habit of chewing betel leaves also known as "paan". Though he told us it was easy to stop, we were all skeptical. The memories of driving around in circles, searching for the nearest paan-wala (person selling betel leaves), whenever we went on family trips, were too vivid in our minds.

Voila! A few days before the trip, he gave up the paan-chewing completely! How did he change a habit of so many years, so quickly?

After reading this book, it seemed to me he had applied the technique described in it. Basically, he identified the cue - a big hearty meal, which triggered the routine - chewing paan. The cue and the routine were clear. The tough part was identifying the reward which drove the habit loop. Looking back, I am awed at how well my father identified it. What he was actually getting out of the paan-chewing was a relaxing effect. The chewing exercised his jaw muscles and gums and in turn relaxed them. He realized he could get the same reward by chewing mouth-freshener gum instead of paan. The habit, which we thought would be difficult to change, was broken easily by switching it with the alternate routine. After a while, he even gave up chewing gum. Instead, it was enough to simply massage the jaws and gums well.

Didn't that sound like a breeze? If that was all it took, why do many people find it difficult to change? For one, it is not easy to recognize cues and the actual rewards. It is also tough to figure out and use the alternate routine when the cues occur. Moreover, it is trickier to make sure one does not go back to the old routine, when the same cues present themselves in slightly different forms. This is very true for habits like alcoholism, where even after going through detox, many fall back when they are faced with the same cue, say stress, in another situation. A deep thinking to understand the cue-routine-reward loop, an ability to use the alternate routine, along with the belief or willpower to change, seem to be the key to making a transformation.

Just as eliminating bad habits can reap benefits, cultivating good habits can bring a fair share of perks. The book has ample examples for the latter too. Though it took me a while to finish the book, it was a very interesting read, one I would recommend to anyone fascinated by these automatic actions called habits that power our lives.

Reference:
The book "The Power of Habit - Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business" by Charles Duhigg,
http://charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit/

Salt and Water

Salt seems to be my favorite topic this week. After writing about salt and love, I am now switching to the topic of salt and water - in other words, saline drops.

salt + water = saline

These drops have been our saviors from the dreaded ear infections, mostly affecting young kids in the U.S who attend day care. It is not limited to kids who attend day care or to kids alone. Anyone can get it. But the probability of a young kid, attending a day care, catching a cold that leads to an ear infection is very high.

A few weeks before she turned 1, our daughter started attending day care. It didn't take long for the ear infection to follow. It was tough to see her go through the pain and antibiotics. When we called up my father, a general practitioner in India, he kept repeating we should use saline drops as soon as she catches a cold. Keeping the nasal passages non-stuffy would prevent most infections. That sounded simple as well as safe. After all, it was non-medicated. The tough part was getting her to stay still to spray her nose with the drops. She cried and resisted which made us not follow through.

Couple of months later, she had another ear infection. After that, we knew we had to give this advice a serious try. Eventually, she realized these drops were helping her and the resistance and crying decreased. She would even sit through when we used the suction tube, that was provided by the hospital to babies, for clearing out any mucus. Since then, she did bring home the usual series of cold, cough and other health problems, but thankfully did not get another ear infection.

When our son was born, we were equipped with this information. Though he was quite strong-willed and stubborn, he quickly got the idea that these saline drops helped him and did not show any resistance. We even sent it to the day care when he had cold or cough. He used to surprise his day care teachers by sitting quietly when they use it there.

Looking back, I can say this simple concoction of salt and water worked like a charm. I am not trying to say it can prevent all ear infections. However, this simple remedy helped us a lot. Now, be aware that I am not a medical person. So, I suggest you take this (post about salt) with a grain of salt!