Mr. Fraud

It was a busy day. I had just finished a long phone conversation and was about to get my evening dose of caffeine. The phone rang again and I picked it up without even looking at the caller id. A deep voice at the other end asked me if he could speak to my husband and that he was looking for him to resolve an issue. I thought it was one of his colleagues calling about some urgent issue in office. I asked him if there is any specific message. The person repeated in the same serious tone that he had an arrest warrant for my husband. If he did not report to the police in two hours, they will proceed with deporting him back to India. My mind rushed to where my husband was. He must be on his way back from work. Did he hit something on the road or was he hit by someone? My mind filled with these dreadful thoughts, I asked the caller what had happened. It seems my husband has committed some tax fraud and IRS had sent couple of notifications to which they did not receive any response. Such cases are treated seriously and can result in deportation and orders to stop employment. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least, he was safe. It was just a tax issue which can be resolved. I said they may be mistaken as we did not receive any such mails. The caller said there was no mistake about it and gave me two specific dates when IRS had sent us mails. It was April 2014 and these notifications were sent way back in April and June of 2013. 

Well, what was this person talking about? My head was aching after the long day and I needed a cup of coffee. And I have very limited knowledge about financial affairs. So I told him, "You need to call back later to talk to my husband to sort this out". Then the voice became deeper and he said that since we file taxes jointly, I am considered as an accomplice to the fraud. They need to discuss the options with me to resolve this before they fax his warrant to the local sheriff office. My mind went back to figure out what possible tax fraud we can commit. Being salaried employees, I did not see any way we could commit a fraud. Maybe there was an unintentional mistake  in some entry, maybe we entered the tax breaks from childcare and non-profit donations wrongly. I had to find out. But I also had to warn my husband. So I started texting him some one-liners: "you going to be arrested", "IRS calling", "tax fraud". Waiting for his replies, I asked the caller what the tax fraud was about. He explained to me how there has been a mistake in the salary entered for one year. Hence there was a tax payment difference. Since this was not paid after two mail notices, the case was handed over to their department.

What was this person blabbering? And why is my husband not replying? I told him "I do not understand a word of what you are saying" And the voice at the other end became softer. "Madam, do you need an interpreter?", it asked. "Interpreter for what?" I blurted out. "An interpreter in your local language", it said. I thought for a moment and decided talking to someone from same country may be good. I said "Malayalam". The line went on hold. Before this, I had also managed to type in some one-liner emails to my husband with the same content as in the text messages. While waiting for someone who can translate things in Malayalam, I tried to call my husband on my cell phone. I knew I had to talk fast and started saying "IRS calling, check your email". Before I could finish my conversation, the land line went live with a greeting in Malayalam. And I started talking in Malayalam. My husband cut the cell phone line and in few minutes, I saw his email reply "what is wrong with you?". I just typed back "Come home soon".

This new person, who was speaking in my local language, started explaining a lot of intricate tax details. He told about some lien and levy notice. I thought I just have to stall him as my husband will be here soon. So I kept acting dumb. It did not need much effort from my side to do that! I kept asking to explain each term "lien, levy". He patiently spelled each word and gave some definitions. When I mentioned that we will call you back as soon as my husband is home, he said "Madam, I am only an interpreter and the line is being recorded. I can only provide you the options that my senior officers passed to me. Do you want to hear them? If you cut the phone now, there may be some immediate actions in your husband's name". Well, go ahead, I thought. He presented me with an option to pay the past due taxes immediately. Once we pay them, we will be given the case id and we can take our forms to IRS. In case there is no fraud, the money will be re-imbursed.

Now, this was taking an interesting turn. They are asking for money and this set a red alarm in my head. I told them such things cannot be done on phone. I demanded a call back number to confirm who is actually calling. His voice changed and he asked "Are you doubting an IRS officer?". I told him I have the right to confirm who is calling. I can stay on the line but if you give me a number, I can call from my cell phone and you can keep listening to the conversation. He was quick to give me a number. I told him that I will check if this number is listed in IRS web site. Now, he seemed to start beating around the bush. He went into a long explanation about how their department "Tax Crime Investigation Unit" is a secret department which does not publish any phone numbers to avoid calls from people. He said we are not the only ones doing such fraud and they cannot afford to take calls from the huge fraud-committing population. How comforting to know we have a lot of company in the fraud -committing group! And that I just have one more hour to make the decision.

I asked for other options. And he was ready with the alternative. He suggested I may call our criminal lawyer to arrange bail for my husband. What did he think? That I have the phone numbers of criminal lawyers at my finger tips? I told him that is not possible. So what is the next option? He now became very supportive. "Your husband will not be harmed but will be accompanied to the jail by a law enforcement officer. You will have time to call a lawyer and get him out with a bail", he said as if to console me. Okay, what a hassle I thought. And where is my dear husband? What is taking him so long?

The interpreter said the only way to pay government agencies is through a bond and I can get them only by going to a bank or Walmart in person. What is this bond thing? Suddenly, it looked convincing as he did not ask for any credit card or online payment. I thought it was like a check or demand draft made in someone's name and can only go to designated agency. "Well, now this may be something that can be done but I am on the phone with you? How can I get the bond?" I asked. He had a ready solution, "Don't worry madam. We can do a three-way call with your cell phone." And he called my cell phone.

At this moment, my husband entered the room. His face was quite red. I signaled him to be quiet. And started writing down the things that happened so far. He was like "Have you gone mad? Cut the phone. It is a fraud!". I did not think twice. Seeing him safe was all I needed to snap out of it and cut the line. Now that our "Mr. Fraud" movie ended, a "Family Feud" episode started. My husband started letting out his frustration at me being so dumb. I was ready with my line of defense "You know how I can be as dumb as one can be. But, why didn't you reply to my texts and emails properly?"

Then, his side of story poured out. When he saw my text, he thought someone may have stolen my phone and was just sending such crazy messages to bug him. I was not satisfied with that answer. I pointed to him that we spoke and I had asked him to check his email. Now, his story became interesting. When he checked his email, he realized it was not someone else but me who was sending such out of context texts and messages. And after saying "IRS calling", he had heard me talk in Malayalam! So what IRS was I talking to?  IRS in Kerala? That had made him think that I lost my mind like the wife character in Malayalam movie "Kadinjool Kalyanam". That was the only reason he rushed home - to check what was wrong with me. And I told him, "Only reason I was stalling and talking on the phone was to make sure you are safe. See, we are so concerned about each other.  Isn't that true love?" My mushy dialog (pynkili dialog for those who understand Malayalam) made us both burst out laughing and ended the family feud episode.

It was still April and maybe it was a delayed April Fool prank. And instead of being fooled, I ended up making a fool of Mr.Fraud! My husband did not concede with that. He thinks another phone call with a different line can easily bring out the April fool hiding in me. The rest of the evening went about laughing over this and reading about the scam. As soon as I hung up, I searched and got the scam news from CBS. My husband was surprised that a search expert like me could not get the same while I was talking. And all I had to say was "Love makes people blind!"

And for those of you who are interested to get the scam details,check out:http://www.cbsnews.com/news/irs-warns-of-biggest-tax-scam-ever/

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This was originally written as a facebook note on April 4, 2014. In spite of couple of IRS fraudsters being caught beginning of this year, these calls still continue! Looking back, this crazy incident is something we often laugh about. I am copying it to this blog as it qualifies to be in the list of our refreshing perceptions !

Nonstick ??? From the Frying Pan into the Mouth !!!

Do you miss those chemistry lessons from school? Then, just head over to the kitchen section of a store. Browsing through the vast array of cookware is like taking a lesson in chemistry. There are just too many types of materials these days. From age-old cast iron and stainless steel to hard-anodized aluminum and a variety of chemical coatings like Teflon and Thermalon, nowadays, there are even stone-derived nonstick pans. If the materials do not make any sense, there are numerous chemical acronyms to help: BPA, PTFE, PFOA. A peek at the labels is enough to make any novice shopper realize that the more acronyms they find with the "-free" suffix, safer would be the product. If you are wondering what I am referring to, take a look at this post about nonstick cookware: What's In Your Non-Stick?

Cooking vessels : choose a type

In the last few years, there has been an increasing amount of research going on for everything including cookware material. A lot of data is being generated with the intent to help consumers. As newer brands come out with attempts to make the surfaces nonstick, they also release warnings and chemical jargon that can stick to our minds. We are prompted to think deeply before choosing even the most trivial items for day to day life. Who knows what is safe? Who knows what will be banned next? Who knows what will be the next cool thing? Aaargh! Did someone just say ignorance is bliss ?

Traveling back to a point in time when I was ignorant of such complexities, there were other struggles in the kitchen. It was the phase when my kitchen used to be a science lab. I was in experimental mode trying to understand the basics of cooking. What types of food would burn if I didn't add any water vs what would turn soggy if I did add water ? What would turn mushy if cooked too much vs what would stay like a rock unless pressure cooked? Almost all recipes required a long distance call to my mom for troubleshooting. Slowly, I reached a point where I could figure out the basics and started to venture into more adventurous dishes.

One day, I called home to get the recipe for a sweet dish for an upcoming dinner party. My mom is an expert in preparing this sweet which we call "duddali" in local language. The main ingredient "rava", a fine powder based on semolina, has to be roasted in clarified butter and then cooked with milk, sugar and other flavors. It sounds easy but the difficult part is managing the stickiness that would emerge when this rava is mixed with any liquid. In addition to the steps, I got all the tips and tricks for the recipe from my mom. Then my dad came on the line and added in his suggestion, "Make sure it does not stick". I gave him a confident and reassuring reply "Don't worry. I am going to use a nonstick pan to prepare this". He replied in the same cool tone, "Well, I was not referring to the pan but to the end result. Do your guests have nonstick mouths?". Aaargh! I wanted to scream. My evolving culinary skills were being questioned! I paused for a moment and my funny bone took over. I just replied "We'll find out if mouths too come with nonstick coating !!!"

Copying is bad ... but WHY ???

I was flipping through a magazine when this ad from Cadillac caught my attention. The quote "It is better to fail in originality, than to succeed in imitation" reminded me of a conversation that we had at home.

Originality vs Imitation

When my son was in Pre-K, he had a best friend. They were always together, choosing the same activities and doing the same things. I thought it was wonderful to find a best friend but his teacher perceived it differently. She thought he was not making his own choices but simply copying his friend. She wanted him to be independent and suggested we talk to him about it. That evening, I started off the conversation telling him "Copying is bad ...". I stalled to think how I could explain why it is bad. Of course, copying is like stealing someone's work or idea. However, that reasoning was not completely relevant in this context. So, how can I put it across?

As if she heard my question, my six year old daughter shouted out "Copying is bad because it shuts down your thinking". Wow! That was such a simple way to put it. One needs to develop individual thinking skills to grow and be independent. How did a six year old come up with this? Before I could ask, she continued enlightening us with what she had learned from one of her teachers. 

For new activities or lessons, the teacher would show them an example which they can copy. When asked to work on their own, they are not supposed to copy from others. They have to complete the task by themselves. If they copy, it will shut down their own power to think. The teacher's words conveyed the message in a simple yet powerful way. After all, who would want to do something that would shut down their thinking. So, WHY copy ?

What's for dinner today ?

"That's a surprise! The menu is still being planned." used to be our answer to this question from friends who we invite over for dinner. It was better to keep the menu a secret when the dish being prepared could end up as a surprise even for the cook. Many times, we have had to stash away a few dishes as they were not fit to be served to our friends. In those early days of cooking, I used to give this answer only occasionally. Now, after years of cooking, I give this answer more frequently!

In spite of the efforts to ramp up my cooking skills, the end result of tried and tested recipes is still not guaranteed. However, that is not the main reason for giving the same answer. Now, the question "What's for dinner today?" gets asked almost daily - by our kids! And this answer, to a large extent, avoids mealtime battles. When preparing something the kids already like, I give them the exact answer. When making something new which they have not yet tried, I beat around the bush saying I am not sure what I am making. Hearing the name of a new item or a dish made with an ingredient they did not like on first try sets the stage for an outright NO.

Rewinding back to my childhood, I can still remember how I used to say NO to any dish which had the slightest trace of yoghurt in it. I never used to like yoghurt. After umpteen tries from my parents, both of whom love it, I still could not eat it when I was in India. After coming to the U.S, I realized it was the smell that I did not like. In India, the yoghurt always has a strong smell which I still find difficult to tolerate. So much for having a long nose! That aside, the part that defies my current logic is why I used to not try any dish that had just a few drops of yoghurt. Call that the height of my pickiness!

Coming back to the present, life being really busy and a struggle to balance time between family and work, it is not easy to prepare something to cater to each person in the family. Though it is easy to let kids snack and eat something packaged and processed, that is not something we prefer. All of us eating the same meal without too many complaints would be ideal. Realizing there will always be a few things that each of us detest or can't tolerate, the aim is to keep that list minimal and keep our minds open to try new things.

Easy as it may sound, it is quite an effort to develop a positive attitude towards new varieties of food. Sometimes the trick lies in understanding what one does not like about a particular dish or ingredient. In our son's case, it is the texture that matters more. Using a different method to cook or coating with crunchy elements usually gets things past his texture test. For my daughter, she can't tolerate the heat of chillies and pepper. Reducing the heat or alternating a bite of hot food with cooling foods like yoghurt and fruits lets her savor the rest of the flavors. Once they start liking something, it is easy to leave out many of these customizations.

The nice thing was that the efforts at home were reinforced by my daughter's Pre-K teacher. As we speak another language at home, my daughter used to attend an ESL(English as Second Language) program. There was a good mix of kids from different cultures and countries. When the teacher hosted class events and lunches, she would insist that the kids be served a little of everything. She used to say that parents tend to give kids what they like trying to get past a meal without any hassles. She did make an excellent point.

After that year, I could see a great change in our daughter's approach to food. She is willing to give anything at least one try. With a little more effort to get past his stubbornness, her brother is also following suit.  Both of them have become more appreciative of cooking, fascinated to see an  ingredient they don't like being transformed into something they relish. They find it very interesting to say "I don't like tomato but I love tomato rice or if it is mixed in chaat (a savory Indian snack)",  "I don't like papaya but I love this yellow curry made from it", "I don't like pears but I like it mixed with walnuts". The list is long and I can keep writing but it's time to get started with dinner preparations.

Now, if you ask me, "What's for dinner today?", my reply would be "That's a surprise!". Believe me, the menu is still being planned!

Eat 5 a Day !!!

When I first came to the U.S, I was amazed by the wide variety of fruits available here. These new variety of fruits were my saviors in the first few months when most of my initial cooking experiments had to go down the drain.

Eat 5 a day ?

One day, when we got a small pack of blueberries, I was quite eager to try them. I had never seen nor eaten these tiny little berries. I washed and tried a few and did not stop until I finished the whole pack. As I was about to throw away the packet that had once held those oh-so-delicious berries, my eyes popped out. I could not believe I had missed reading the bright label that said: "Eat 5 a Day". And here I had eaten the whole pack! I anxiously called up my husband. His calm reaction, asking me to drink some water and cool down, got me even more frustrated. I rushed to the computer to start my search for any terrible side-effects and remedies. As the results from the then-so-slow network started filling the screen, I let out a sigh of relief. "Eat 5 a Day" was just a recommendation to eat at least 5 colors of fruits or vegetables each day. Each color had its health benefits and trying to get a mix ensured moderation and balance. Having eaten blue, an excellent color that provides anti-oxidants, I could calm down and go back to get that recommended glass of water.


Now, fast forward a decade to a busier life with no time to think of such food recommendations. One day, my five-year-old son came back from his school field trip with a message. They had been to a large organic grocery store where they were asked to "Eat a Rainbow" every day. On hearing this, his sister was thrilled. Both rushed to the pantry and came back with brightly colored candies. They even had an item to add to the grocery list - a rainbow lollipop to get all those colors at one easy go.

I tried my best to explain the difference between artificial and natural colors. We found that some candies actually used natural colors. And then went about looking for more natural ones. Guess what? This new "Eat a Rainbow" message has added an interesting aspect to our dinner times. We now try to check the colors each of us ate that day. And it reminds me of the long-forgotten recommendation to "Eat 5 a Day"!

Never judge a book by its cover !

"Do you have to return this book today?", I asked my eight year old daughter. She was packing her things for school and this included a book that I was only half-way through reading. These days, I mostly read what the kids get from their school library. I had found the Wishing Spell book from the Land of Stories series quite interesting. She told me we can get another copy of it from the public library. "I'll get a better book for you today", she added cheerfully before heading out.

In the evening, she came home and handed me another book.

I read the title "Mountain Dog", took one look at the cover picture and said, "This doesn't look interesting to me. I may not like this". With no offense to dog lovers, I personally keep a distance from canines. When we had a dog at home or when visiting friends with dogs, I am always on the edge if they try to be too friendly. "Well, you can't say that till you read it. You should try a few pages", my daughter said, leaving the book on my table.

I flipped through a few pages. It was written in a very different style with chapters alternating between a boy and a dog's thoughts. The friendship between the two, which helped the boy tide over his emotional turmoil, was conveyed so well that I could not keep the book down. The book also had interesting details about search and rescue operations in the vast wilderness and the role played by dogs, who rescue people trapped without any means of communication. After I finished, I told my daughter how wonderful the book was. I could not but agree when she stated "That is why you should never judge a book by its cover!".

How true! Though she had meant it literally, I realized how it applies to other things, people and incidents. In these days, where news spreads like wildfire across media channels and social networks, how effortless it is to form opinions and reach conclusions from stories, which we may not even have read through or validated. As I skim through piles of information that flood my networks each day, I try to remember these simple words "Never judge a book by its cover!".

A Brave Act

Read the story "Dragons and Giants" from the book Frog and Toad Together, where they talk about bravery and courage. Then, tell the class about a time you had to be brave.

This was one of the assignments in our six year old's class. In the evening, he came and told me about the discussions they had in class around this topic.

Picture Courtesy: Frog and Toad Together by Arnold Lobel

Son: You know what one of my classmates had to be brave for ? She had to be brave when they drew her blood.

Mom: Oh, for what?

Son: I think it was to give the blood to someone else.

Mom: Really, but why?

Son: So that they won't die.

Mom: I see.

Son: You know, if someone gets a big cut, they will lose lot of blood. Then, they can use another person's blood so they won't run out of blood.

Mom: That is so thoughtful! I think you have to wait till you grow big to donate blood. It is one way to help and save someone's life.

It was a true delight to see our son connect what he heard in class with how I had explained the need and importance of blood donation to the kids. I have to shout out a BIG THANKS to my Facebook friends who are actively involved in various types of blood donations. When I had shown some of the pictures that these friends post, the kids were curious to understand what was happening. They realized blood could be drawn from one person to give to another in need. Along with the thought-provoking assignments from their class, this knowledge led to such a heart-warming conversation, making little minds see blood donation as a way to help others.

Note:
In last two years, I learned that different blood components can be donated separately - whole blood, platelets, plasma and even blood stem cells. If you are not familiar, please take a few minutes to see how you can donate or help. A few useful links:
Types of blood donations - http://www.americasblood.org/donate-blood/types-of-blood-donations.aspx
Blood stem cell donation - https://bethematch.org/support-the-cause/donate-bone-marrow/donation-process/donating-pbsc/
Registering as blood stem cell donor - http://marrowdrives.org/bone_marrow_donor_programs.html#international_marrow