It was a busy day. I had just finished a long phone conversation and
was about to get my evening dose of caffeine. The phone rang again and I
picked it up without even looking at the caller id. A deep voice at the
other end asked me if he could speak to my husband and that he was
looking for him to resolve an issue. I thought it was one of his
colleagues calling about some urgent issue in office. I asked him if
there is any specific message. The person repeated in the same serious
tone that he had an arrest warrant for my husband. If he did not report
to the police in two hours, they will proceed with deporting him back to
India. My mind rushed to where my husband was. He must be on his way
back from work. Did he hit something on the road or was he hit by
someone? My mind filled with these dreadful thoughts, I asked the caller what had happened. It seems my husband has committed some tax fraud and IRS had sent couple of notifications to which they did not receive any response. Such
cases are treated seriously and can result in deportation and orders to
stop employment. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least, he was safe. It
was just a tax issue which can be resolved. I said they may be mistaken
as we did not receive any such mails. The caller said there was no
mistake about it and gave me two specific dates when IRS had sent us
mails. It was April 2014 and these notifications were sent way back in April and June of
2013.
Well, what was this person talking about? My head was aching after the long day and I needed a cup of coffee. And I have very limited knowledge about financial affairs. So I told him, "You need to call back later to talk to my husband to sort this out". Then the voice became deeper and he said that since we file taxes jointly, I am considered as an accomplice to the fraud. They need to discuss the options with me to resolve this before they fax his warrant to the local sheriff office. My mind went back to figure out what possible tax fraud we can commit. Being salaried employees, I did not see any way we could commit a fraud. Maybe there was an unintentional mistake in some entry, maybe we entered the tax breaks from childcare and non-profit donations wrongly. I had to find out. But I also had to warn my husband. So I started texting him some one-liners: "you going to be arrested", "IRS calling", "tax fraud". Waiting for his replies, I asked the caller what the tax fraud was about. He explained to me how there has been a mistake in the salary entered for one year. Hence there was a tax payment difference. Since this was not paid after two mail notices, the case was handed over to their department.
What was this person blabbering? And why is my husband not replying? I told him "I do not understand a word of what you are saying" And the voice at the other end became softer. "Madam, do you need an interpreter?", it asked. "Interpreter for what?" I blurted out. "An interpreter in your local language", it said. I thought for a moment and decided talking to someone from same country may be good. I said "Malayalam". The line went on hold. Before this, I had also managed to type in some one-liner emails to my husband with the same content as in the text messages. While waiting for someone who can translate things in Malayalam, I tried to call my husband on my cell phone. I knew I had to talk fast and started saying "IRS calling, check your email". Before I could finish my conversation, the land line went live with a greeting in Malayalam. And I started talking in Malayalam. My husband cut the cell phone line and in few minutes, I saw his email reply "what is wrong with you?". I just typed back "Come home soon".
This new person, who was speaking in my local language, started explaining a lot of intricate tax details. He told about some lien and levy notice. I thought I just have to stall him as my husband will be here soon. So I kept acting dumb. It did not need much effort from my side to do that! I kept asking to explain each term "lien, levy". He patiently spelled each word and gave some definitions. When I mentioned that we will call you back as soon as my husband is home, he said "Madam, I am only an interpreter and the line is being recorded. I can only provide you the options that my senior officers passed to me. Do you want to hear them? If you cut the phone now, there may be some immediate actions in your husband's name". Well, go ahead, I thought. He presented me with an option to pay the past due taxes immediately. Once we pay them, we will be given the case id and we can take our forms to IRS. In case there is no fraud, the money will be re-imbursed.
Now, this was taking an interesting turn. They are asking for money and this set a red alarm in my head. I told them such things cannot be done on phone. I demanded a call back number to confirm who is actually calling. His voice changed and he asked "Are you doubting an IRS officer?". I told him I have the right to confirm who is calling. I can stay on the line but if you give me a number, I can call from my cell phone and you can keep listening to the conversation. He was quick to give me a number. I told him that I will check if this number is listed in IRS web site. Now, he seemed to start beating around the bush. He went into a long explanation about how their department "Tax Crime Investigation Unit" is a secret department which does not publish any phone numbers to avoid calls from people. He said we are not the only ones doing such fraud and they cannot afford to take calls from the huge fraud-committing population. How comforting to know we have a lot of company in the fraud -committing group! And that I just have one more hour to make the decision.
I asked for other options. And he was ready with the alternative. He suggested I may call our criminal lawyer to arrange bail for my husband. What did he think? That I have the phone numbers of criminal lawyers at my finger tips? I told him that is not possible. So what is the next option? He now became very supportive. "Your husband will not be harmed but will be accompanied to the jail by a law enforcement officer. You will have time to call a lawyer and get him out with a bail", he said as if to console me. Okay, what a hassle I thought. And where is my dear husband? What is taking him so long?
The interpreter said the only way to pay government agencies is through a bond and I can get them only by going to a bank or Walmart in person. What is this bond thing? Suddenly, it looked convincing as he did not ask for any credit card or online payment. I thought it was like a check or demand draft made in someone's name and can only go to designated agency. "Well, now this may be something that can be done but I am on the phone with you? How can I get the bond?" I asked. He had a ready solution, "Don't worry madam. We can do a three-way call with your cell phone." And he called my cell phone.
At this moment, my husband entered the room. His face was quite red. I signaled him to be quiet. And started writing down the things that happened so far. He was like "Have you gone mad? Cut the phone. It is a fraud!". I did not think twice. Seeing him safe was all I needed to snap out of it and cut the line. Now that our "Mr. Fraud" movie ended, a "Family Feud" episode started. My husband started letting out his frustration at me being so dumb. I was ready with my line of defense "You know how I can be as dumb as one can be. But, why didn't you reply to my texts and emails properly?"
Then, his side of story poured out. When he saw my text, he thought someone may have stolen my phone and was just sending such crazy messages to bug him. I was not satisfied with that answer. I pointed to him that we spoke and I had asked him to check his email. Now, his story became interesting. When he checked his email, he realized it was not someone else but me who was sending such out of context texts and messages. And after saying "IRS calling", he had heard me talk in Malayalam! So what IRS was I talking to? IRS in Kerala? That had made him think that I lost my mind like the wife character in Malayalam movie "Kadinjool Kalyanam". That was the only reason he rushed home - to check what was wrong with me. And I told him, "Only reason I was stalling and talking on the phone was to make sure you are safe. See, we are so concerned about each other. Isn't that true love?" My mushy dialog (pynkili dialog for those who understand Malayalam) made us both burst out laughing and ended the family feud episode.
It was still April and maybe it was a delayed April Fool prank. And instead of being fooled, I ended up making a fool of Mr.Fraud! My husband did not concede with that. He thinks another phone call with a different line can easily bring out the April fool hiding in me. The rest of the evening went about laughing over this and reading about the scam. As soon as I hung up, I searched and got the scam news from CBS. My husband was surprised that a search expert like me could not get the same while I was talking. And all I had to say was "Love makes people blind!"
And for those of you who are interested to get the scam details,check out:http://www.cbsnews.com/news/irs-warns-of-biggest-tax-scam-ever/
-----------
This was originally written as a facebook note on April 4, 2014. In spite of couple of IRS fraudsters being caught beginning of this year, these calls still continue! Looking back, this crazy incident is something we often laugh about. I am copying it to this blog as it qualifies to be in the list of our refreshing perceptions !
Well, what was this person talking about? My head was aching after the long day and I needed a cup of coffee. And I have very limited knowledge about financial affairs. So I told him, "You need to call back later to talk to my husband to sort this out". Then the voice became deeper and he said that since we file taxes jointly, I am considered as an accomplice to the fraud. They need to discuss the options with me to resolve this before they fax his warrant to the local sheriff office. My mind went back to figure out what possible tax fraud we can commit. Being salaried employees, I did not see any way we could commit a fraud. Maybe there was an unintentional mistake in some entry, maybe we entered the tax breaks from childcare and non-profit donations wrongly. I had to find out. But I also had to warn my husband. So I started texting him some one-liners: "you going to be arrested", "IRS calling", "tax fraud". Waiting for his replies, I asked the caller what the tax fraud was about. He explained to me how there has been a mistake in the salary entered for one year. Hence there was a tax payment difference. Since this was not paid after two mail notices, the case was handed over to their department.
What was this person blabbering? And why is my husband not replying? I told him "I do not understand a word of what you are saying" And the voice at the other end became softer. "Madam, do you need an interpreter?", it asked. "Interpreter for what?" I blurted out. "An interpreter in your local language", it said. I thought for a moment and decided talking to someone from same country may be good. I said "Malayalam". The line went on hold. Before this, I had also managed to type in some one-liner emails to my husband with the same content as in the text messages. While waiting for someone who can translate things in Malayalam, I tried to call my husband on my cell phone. I knew I had to talk fast and started saying "IRS calling, check your email". Before I could finish my conversation, the land line went live with a greeting in Malayalam. And I started talking in Malayalam. My husband cut the cell phone line and in few minutes, I saw his email reply "what is wrong with you?". I just typed back "Come home soon".
This new person, who was speaking in my local language, started explaining a lot of intricate tax details. He told about some lien and levy notice. I thought I just have to stall him as my husband will be here soon. So I kept acting dumb. It did not need much effort from my side to do that! I kept asking to explain each term "lien, levy". He patiently spelled each word and gave some definitions. When I mentioned that we will call you back as soon as my husband is home, he said "Madam, I am only an interpreter and the line is being recorded. I can only provide you the options that my senior officers passed to me. Do you want to hear them? If you cut the phone now, there may be some immediate actions in your husband's name". Well, go ahead, I thought. He presented me with an option to pay the past due taxes immediately. Once we pay them, we will be given the case id and we can take our forms to IRS. In case there is no fraud, the money will be re-imbursed.
Now, this was taking an interesting turn. They are asking for money and this set a red alarm in my head. I told them such things cannot be done on phone. I demanded a call back number to confirm who is actually calling. His voice changed and he asked "Are you doubting an IRS officer?". I told him I have the right to confirm who is calling. I can stay on the line but if you give me a number, I can call from my cell phone and you can keep listening to the conversation. He was quick to give me a number. I told him that I will check if this number is listed in IRS web site. Now, he seemed to start beating around the bush. He went into a long explanation about how their department "Tax Crime Investigation Unit" is a secret department which does not publish any phone numbers to avoid calls from people. He said we are not the only ones doing such fraud and they cannot afford to take calls from the huge fraud-committing population. How comforting to know we have a lot of company in the fraud -committing group! And that I just have one more hour to make the decision.
I asked for other options. And he was ready with the alternative. He suggested I may call our criminal lawyer to arrange bail for my husband. What did he think? That I have the phone numbers of criminal lawyers at my finger tips? I told him that is not possible. So what is the next option? He now became very supportive. "Your husband will not be harmed but will be accompanied to the jail by a law enforcement officer. You will have time to call a lawyer and get him out with a bail", he said as if to console me. Okay, what a hassle I thought. And where is my dear husband? What is taking him so long?
The interpreter said the only way to pay government agencies is through a bond and I can get them only by going to a bank or Walmart in person. What is this bond thing? Suddenly, it looked convincing as he did not ask for any credit card or online payment. I thought it was like a check or demand draft made in someone's name and can only go to designated agency. "Well, now this may be something that can be done but I am on the phone with you? How can I get the bond?" I asked. He had a ready solution, "Don't worry madam. We can do a three-way call with your cell phone." And he called my cell phone.
At this moment, my husband entered the room. His face was quite red. I signaled him to be quiet. And started writing down the things that happened so far. He was like "Have you gone mad? Cut the phone. It is a fraud!". I did not think twice. Seeing him safe was all I needed to snap out of it and cut the line. Now that our "Mr. Fraud" movie ended, a "Family Feud" episode started. My husband started letting out his frustration at me being so dumb. I was ready with my line of defense "You know how I can be as dumb as one can be. But, why didn't you reply to my texts and emails properly?"
Then, his side of story poured out. When he saw my text, he thought someone may have stolen my phone and was just sending such crazy messages to bug him. I was not satisfied with that answer. I pointed to him that we spoke and I had asked him to check his email. Now, his story became interesting. When he checked his email, he realized it was not someone else but me who was sending such out of context texts and messages. And after saying "IRS calling", he had heard me talk in Malayalam! So what IRS was I talking to? IRS in Kerala? That had made him think that I lost my mind like the wife character in Malayalam movie "Kadinjool Kalyanam". That was the only reason he rushed home - to check what was wrong with me. And I told him, "Only reason I was stalling and talking on the phone was to make sure you are safe. See, we are so concerned about each other. Isn't that true love?" My mushy dialog (pynkili dialog for those who understand Malayalam) made us both burst out laughing and ended the family feud episode.
It was still April and maybe it was a delayed April Fool prank. And instead of being fooled, I ended up making a fool of Mr.Fraud! My husband did not concede with that. He thinks another phone call with a different line can easily bring out the April fool hiding in me. The rest of the evening went about laughing over this and reading about the scam. As soon as I hung up, I searched and got the scam news from CBS. My husband was surprised that a search expert like me could not get the same while I was talking. And all I had to say was "Love makes people blind!"
And for those of you who are interested to get the scam details,check out:http://www.cbsnews.com/news/irs-warns-of-biggest-tax-scam-ever/
-----------
This was originally written as a facebook note on April 4, 2014. In spite of couple of IRS fraudsters being caught beginning of this year, these calls still continue! Looking back, this crazy incident is something we often laugh about. I am copying it to this blog as it qualifies to be in the list of our refreshing perceptions !
