Never judge a book by its cover !

"Do you have to return this book today?", I asked my eight year old daughter. She was packing her things for school and this included a book that I was only half-way through reading. These days, I mostly read what the kids get from their school library. I had found the Wishing Spell book from the Land of Stories series quite interesting. She told me we can get another copy of it from the public library. "I'll get a better book for you today", she added cheerfully before heading out.

In the evening, she came home and handed me another book.

I read the title "Mountain Dog", took one look at the cover picture and said, "This doesn't look interesting to me. I may not like this". With no offense to dog lovers, I personally keep a distance from canines. When we had a dog at home or when visiting friends with dogs, I am always on the edge if they try to be too friendly. "Well, you can't say that till you read it. You should try a few pages", my daughter said, leaving the book on my table.

I flipped through a few pages. It was written in a very different style with chapters alternating between a boy and a dog's thoughts. The friendship between the two, which helped the boy tide over his emotional turmoil, was conveyed so well that I could not keep the book down. The book also had interesting details about search and rescue operations in the vast wilderness and the role played by dogs, who rescue people trapped without any means of communication. After I finished, I told my daughter how wonderful the book was. I could not but agree when she stated "That is why you should never judge a book by its cover!".

How true! Though she had meant it literally, I realized how it applies to other things, people and incidents. In these days, where news spreads like wildfire across media channels and social networks, how effortless it is to form opinions and reach conclusions from stories, which we may not even have read through or validated. As I skim through piles of information that flood my networks each day, I try to remember these simple words "Never judge a book by its cover!".

A Brave Act

Read the story "Dragons and Giants" from the book Frog and Toad Together, where they talk about bravery and courage. Then, tell the class about a time you had to be brave.

This was one of the assignments in our six year old's class. In the evening, he came and told me about the discussions they had in class around this topic.

Picture Courtesy: Frog and Toad Together by Arnold Lobel

Son: You know what one of my classmates had to be brave for ? She had to be brave when they drew her blood.

Mom: Oh, for what?

Son: I think it was to give the blood to someone else.

Mom: Really, but why?

Son: So that they won't die.

Mom: I see.

Son: You know, if someone gets a big cut, they will lose lot of blood. Then, they can use another person's blood so they won't run out of blood.

Mom: That is so thoughtful! I think you have to wait till you grow big to donate blood. It is one way to help and save someone's life.

It was a true delight to see our son connect what he heard in class with how I had explained the need and importance of blood donation to the kids. I have to shout out a BIG THANKS to my Facebook friends who are actively involved in various types of blood donations. When I had shown some of the pictures that these friends post, the kids were curious to understand what was happening. They realized blood could be drawn from one person to give to another in need. Along with the thought-provoking assignments from their class, this knowledge led to such a heart-warming conversation, making little minds see blood donation as a way to help others.

Note:
In last two years, I learned that different blood components can be donated separately - whole blood, platelets, plasma and even blood stem cells. If you are not familiar, please take a few minutes to see how you can donate or help. A few useful links:
Types of blood donations - http://www.americasblood.org/donate-blood/types-of-blood-donations.aspx
Blood stem cell donation - https://bethematch.org/support-the-cause/donate-bone-marrow/donation-process/donating-pbsc/
Registering as blood stem cell donor - http://marrowdrives.org/bone_marrow_donor_programs.html#international_marrow

Breaking out of a Habit

Salt and Love, Salt and Water ... seeing this series of posts, my husband was asking if my next post would be about salt and something else. In a "salty spirit", I replied I did not want to get into any such "habit". After all, my mind was filled with different aspects of habits, an effect of reading the book "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg.

An interesting book about habits

Using data from scientific studies as well as real-life examples, this book explains habit formation, techniques for habit reversal, and the ways certain habits could be developed for personal, organizational or community benefit. It points out how any habit can be visualized as a cue-routine-reward loop. When a cue occurs, it triggers an automatic action or habit, in expectation of the reward. Our mind anticipates the reward and unknowingly, a craving develops. This locks in the routine forming a new habit loop. According to the book, to change a habit, one has to simply understand the cue and reward, then plugin a new routine that gives the same reward as the old one.

On reading numerous examples about reversing disruptive habits, my mind went back to how my father had changed one of his habits. Back in 2006, when my parents were planning their first trip to the U.S, we jokingly told my father that there is another thing that he needs to accomplish in addition to securing a visa. He had to stop his habit of chewing betel leaves also known as "paan". Though he told us it was easy to stop, we were all skeptical. The memories of driving around in circles, searching for the nearest paan-wala (person selling betel leaves), whenever we went on family trips, were too vivid in our minds.

Voila! A few days before the trip, he gave up the paan-chewing completely! How did he change a habit of so many years, so quickly?

After reading this book, it seemed to me he had applied the technique described in it. Basically, he identified the cue - a big hearty meal, which triggered the routine - chewing paan. The cue and the routine were clear. The tough part was identifying the reward which drove the habit loop. Looking back, I am awed at how well my father identified it. What he was actually getting out of the paan-chewing was a relaxing effect. The chewing exercised his jaw muscles and gums and in turn relaxed them. He realized he could get the same reward by chewing mouth-freshener gum instead of paan. The habit, which we thought would be difficult to change, was broken easily by switching it with the alternate routine. After a while, he even gave up chewing gum. Instead, it was enough to simply massage the jaws and gums well.

Didn't that sound like a breeze? If that was all it took, why do many people find it difficult to change? For one, it is not easy to recognize cues and the actual rewards. It is also tough to figure out and use the alternate routine when the cues occur. Moreover, it is trickier to make sure one does not go back to the old routine, when the same cues present themselves in slightly different forms. This is very true for habits like alcoholism, where even after going through detox, many fall back when they are faced with the same cue, say stress, in another situation. A deep thinking to understand the cue-routine-reward loop, an ability to use the alternate routine, along with the belief or willpower to change, seem to be the key to making a transformation.

Just as eliminating bad habits can reap benefits, cultivating good habits can bring a fair share of perks. The book has ample examples for the latter too. Though it took me a while to finish the book, it was a very interesting read, one I would recommend to anyone fascinated by these automatic actions called habits that power our lives.

Reference:
The book "The Power of Habit - Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business" by Charles Duhigg,
http://charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit/

Salt and Water

Salt seems to be my favorite topic this week. After writing about salt and love, I am now switching to the topic of salt and water - in other words, saline drops.

salt + water = saline

These drops have been our saviors from the dreaded ear infections, mostly affecting young kids in the U.S who attend day care. It is not limited to kids who attend day care or to kids alone. Anyone can get it. But the probability of a young kid, attending a day care, catching a cold that leads to an ear infection is very high.

A few weeks before she turned 1, our daughter started attending day care. It didn't take long for the ear infection to follow. It was tough to see her go through the pain and antibiotics. When we called up my father, a general practitioner in India, he kept repeating we should use saline drops as soon as she catches a cold. Keeping the nasal passages non-stuffy would prevent most infections. That sounded simple as well as safe. After all, it was non-medicated. The tough part was getting her to stay still to spray her nose with the drops. She cried and resisted which made us not follow through.

Couple of months later, she had another ear infection. After that, we knew we had to give this advice a serious try. Eventually, she realized these drops were helping her and the resistance and crying decreased. She would even sit through when we used the suction tube, that was provided by the hospital to babies, for clearing out any mucus. Since then, she did bring home the usual series of cold, cough and other health problems, but thankfully did not get another ear infection.

When our son was born, we were equipped with this information. Though he was quite strong-willed and stubborn, he quickly got the idea that these saline drops helped him and did not show any resistance. We even sent it to the day care when he had cold or cough. He used to surprise his day care teachers by sitting quietly when they use it there.

Looking back, I can say this simple concoction of salt and water worked like a charm. I am not trying to say it can prevent all ear infections. However, this simple remedy helped us a lot. Now, be aware that I am not a medical person. So, I suggest you take this (post about salt) with a grain of salt!

Salt and Love

Have any of you heard this Indian folk tale about salt ? Here is the version that my parents used to narrate when I was a kid and now continue to narrate to our kids.

Once upon a time, there lived a king with three daughters. He wanted to find out how much his daughters loved him. One day, he called each of them and asked "How much do you love me?". The first two daughters, who were mean and cunning, told him they loved him as much as sugar and sweet jaggery. The third daughter, who really adored her father, told him she loved him as much as salt. The first two answers made the king happy but he was very disappointed with the third answer. He banished the third daughter from his kingdom. She walked through a forest, met a kind wood-cutter, married him and they lived happily in a small cottage. Years later, the first two daughters managed to seize the throne and banished their father. The king walked through the same forest and met the same wood-cutter, who was very kind to the hungry and tired person he came across. He invited him home. Through the kitchen window, the third daughter, now the wood-cutter's wife, saw her father arrive at the cottage. She quickly went ahead to prepare a big meal. As they sat down to eat,  the king found everything tasteless. At that time, the third daughter came forward with a can of salt. She had not put salt in any of the dishes. The king quickly realized his mistake. It is not in sweet words that love exists but in kind actions. The king stayed with the third daughter and they lived happily ever after in the small cottage. 

Love = Sugar, Jaggery or Salt ?

I am not sure why, but I simply loved to hear this story over and over again. I think it was because it validated my dislike of people who sweet-talk. As far back as I can remember, I never liked people who act nice just to create a great impression. It was quite easy to sense people who wanted to be nice for the sake of being nice from those who genuinely cared. This story had a great message about kindness being the measure of true love. The fact that the youngest daughter, was living a happy life, even when she did not have any luxuries, was also a good lesson.

Couple of years ago, when my daughter was in first grade, she came home excited, telling me the teacher had read her grandmother's story of salt in class. It was interesting to know there was an English book with this story. My immediate reaction was to search for it online. When I could not find any books, I asked the teacher about the story, and she showed me a laminated reading sheet they use in class. She had a huge collection of reading sheets with wonderful folk tales from around the world.

There is nothing better than a folk tale to convey simple life lessons so beautifully. Do you agree? At least, I hope you do not take this (post about salt) with a grain of salt.

Spinach Juice and Burnt Roti

"Spinach juice, anyone?", I asked stepping out into our backyard, balancing glasses of cold, fresh juice made from spinach and a few fruits.

Spinach juice, anyone?

Seeing the green juice, my husband frowned but said he will try it later. My son came running, took a sip, and said he too will try it later as it was too cold for him. My daughter tried it, said it was good, and we sat on the swing sipping the healthy juice. I was surprised that it actually tasted good.

I would have never thought of making juice with spinach. The new blender and the recipes that came along with it seemed to stress the fact that you can mix in green vegetables with other fruits and not feel any raw taste. Well, I was about to make palak paneer, an Indian dish with spinach and cottage cheese. I could spare a few leaves and try this seemingly healthy and easy option. When I saw my daughter finish her glass, I was glad I tried the recipe.

Later that night, after the kids went to bed, I found my son's glass half-filled with juice. He seemed to have taken few more sips but had not finished it. My husband told me that our son did not like it and added that even our daughter had not liked it. Really? She had finished the whole thing with a smile! It looks like she did not want to disappoint me which is why she drank it with a happy face. Aww, how sweet of her! In fact, I would have felt a little down if no one had liked it. That aside, I thought it would be best for her to be frank and be able to say if she didn't like something, without sounding offensive.

Next day, when they were back from school, I asked her about the juice and if she really liked it. She told me she had not liked it but drank it as she did not want to make me sad. I was trying to figure out a way to explain how she could have conveyed the same thing by giving me a nice feedback. Interrupting my thoughts, she said "It is just like grandpa's story, the one about burnt roti". She was referring to the story about a boy and his father eating burnt roti (bread) made by his mother. This story about Dr. Abdul Kalam, the late president of India, was popular in social media, and was narrated to the kids by my father. In that story, the boy's father eats the burnt roti without complaining and tells his wife that he liked it. When the boy later asks his father if he really likes burnt roti, he says he doesn't. The father points out the effort put in by the mother to make the roti and goes on to point out that no one is perfect and in this imperfect world, we need to be ready to accept the faults of others, and live with love and compassion.

After listening to her narration of the story of burnt roti, I did not go ahead with my advice. The story highlights the importance of acceptance and understanding and reinforced her ideas around such character traits. I was amazed by the magical touch of stories. I should sit down and write about this incident, I said to myself. After all, what better way to convey such important messages than through another story!